Break of sorts

Well there everyone this is a hard post to write and I am not going to elaborate too much.
I am taking a small break from blogger and will be doing some self soothing.
After numerous attempts to avoid the fact i am having some personal difficulties with life in general ...... i have been forced to take a step back and learn to how smell the roses and breathe the fresh air again.

I am writing this post not as a an attention seeking endeavour but more of a self expression.
I am dealing with some anxiety issues and ended up in hospital yesterday with a nervous breakdown ( IE panic attacks and uncontrollable shaking and crying) this occurred during arts and crafts with my son. I started feeling funny and dizzy and my heart felt like it was coming out of my chest.
I fainted hit my head and was home alone with two children.
After being in hospital and causing panic and dismay I figure it is time to go on my anti anxiety meds and get my life straiting out.
as of now I am waiting on my mother to come and be with me while I take my recommended ativan which knocks me out.
so there you have it.
This is a post here to remind me that i have hit this low point in my life and need to ask of r help and accept it as it comes.
I will be Okay and i will come out on top for all of those who have really helped me over the course of the last few days thank you..... i will write more when feeling g better.
thank you for the online support and understanding the fact I wrote this for my self as a reminder and a wake up call.
I will be okay....please do not judge this post as anything else but a self healer entry.
Thank you and lots of love to all
Mama j

ahh man hood

Well last evening Little G could not sleep .. he had had a extensive nap ( very out of the ordinary for him) that afternoon and was still excitable from a tiresome night of skating, he asked if he could sit with me while I folded Landry and watched GREY's.
I said "you can but we are sitting quietly and after Mommy's show it's back to your room."
Response " OK mom I really missed you"
Kiss on the head
Grey's came on and as I zoned into TV land My son sat quietly rearranging pile of Landry closest to him. That became very boring for him soon enough. He found my fitness mags and started flipping through them narrating as he went.
I paid little attention as it was a long day and I was just trying to have my down time wacthing my favorite show( other than lost)
As a commercial flipped n I tuned back in to my world and hear my son sing singing over a page.
" boobies and bully buttons on the beach... boobies in pink and yellow. Just belly buttons................... but lots of boobies"
Shape has a segment of best beach Bodies .. and he was very interested in the belly buttons and boobies on display! tee hee.. how cute and true could he be.
Testosterone all around.

BIG "W"

Well everyone I went to the hospital with my little guy yesterday and we did the chest x ray.
It nearly broke my heart to hold him upright hands above his head and him unable to move.
He was better then me though and just fussed a bit.
They faxed his x ray immediately to the Dr and she called me to tell me that there wasn't much to worry about.
He was born with his lungs a little undeveloped and there fore he has been experiencing a bronchial condition since birth and eventually it should go away.
If he is wheezy we should take him outside.
So there you have it.
I feel relieved and a bit saddened for him.... poor thing.
Apparently this is normal. so my nerves are calmed.. but it still bothers me when he sounds wheezy. that's being a mom hey.
So I hope everyone finds this message thanks you for all of your kind words and warm wishes they were felt.
It was a stressful time for me this weekend, but we are on to bigger things like the fact that W is teething already .. and he smiles all of the time.
He weighs in at 13 pounds and 23 inches and I am so proud he is a strapping little baby.
Ta ta for now!!!!!
Love you all!

The boys

Well as a mom I have to say My little W has been a breeze. No worries no wonders just curtness and contentedness.

He went for his needles today and now I find out he is in need of some lung exams. He is having some difficulty with his air ways and as I write this I AM in shock,

no emotion shock

He is 2 months. so Innocent and care free so happy and he is struggling to breathe.

I am in shock.

the Dr assured me it was more precaution then anything but.. still......he is so young.

I am hoping for the best and I am sure it is NOTHING... But I am a mom and this is my 2 month old angel.

To cheer my self up and this post I am including some of Little G skating with his poppy. I tear up every time we go as it brings the gentleness out in my dad and admiration out in my son.

The love can you feel it.

Will post with good news soon.

Love Mama

Movie

I am writign a little note here to say that you NEED to go and watch
"Children of Men"
It's in theaters now.
Amazing movie and very edge of your seat.
makes you think about the future .
Also stressful for those of you that have children.. but so worth the stress.

I hope you all enjoy as i did
Go now or this weekend.. but just go!
Mama J

Ladies

I have been long wondering about the differences between Men and women and the differences never ever seem to change. not really even tweak.\Perhaps they get masked but for the most they stay the same.

Men can be very unemotional . distant even.
Women over emotional and nurturing.
Heard a quote today and it seemed to fit perfectly.
Women don't just want and answer( from a man) they want participation.
---- felicity huffman.

Seriously .. conversation, elaboration, involvement.. not just "yes honey"
or " sounds good"

More like " I liked what you had to say.." or even respond with a conversation.. opened ended questions.
" sounds good" well why does it sound good what exactly sounded good about that!!! sshheeesh
Well I love my hubby and all the men in my life.. but conversationalists they aren't always..... maybe I just need more girlfriends in my life.. or at least talk to them more.. estrogen pahh lease!

Parttyy

I am just writing a quick little post about G's family party on sunday!
It was so wonderful to have everyone in one spot. I do love that feeling.
G was especially entertaining and might I add well behaved for all the junk he consumed and lack of sleep the night before.
The gifts were wonderful, and sorry but by far the helium balloons may have been the biggest hit thanks to my good friend for that!
Nothing really new here, our weather has been spectacular.. and I know that we should be worried about Global Warming but right now .. ahh no snow and daily walks to the back yard, park, and neighbourhood have been helping me keep my sanity.
Tomorow night G is going skating for his very first time.( he recieved skates from my parents for his birthday)
I am anticpating a major breakdown and a 10 minute skate but you never know. Poppy is taking him nad My mom and I are in the bleachers with W watching and taking pictures. I will soon need to get another pair of skates. I need to to get back on the wagon I am a bit rusty and always have been in that area. ( skating that is)
I will post a more intersting topic soon. Just wanted to give a quick update.
ta ta

MOVVVE IT

This post may offend some shoppers.
There will be cussing and maybe even some crude remarks but If I don't say it... welll who is and lets just say I have said it to my husband many times and I think it is time the Net knew how I really felt.

I may have briefly mentioned this topic on my old site some time ago, because like the tag on a shirt sticking up on complete strangers it is m biggest pet peeve.
I actually think it is becoming a rage.
I LOTHE, HATE, DESPISE, RECOIL FROM
THE fucking superstore parking lot and grocery shopping participants,( sorry there are a majority of people that attend this store that don't treat it as a living hell, or la la land.. or rather a place to e a dick hole. yes a dick hole.) here in my little Bayer's lake wannabe town.
I LOVE LOVE love to shop for groceries. I enjoy organizing the area's of the store in my cart( boxes with boxes, meat with meat etc.) the satisfaction of finding a bargin or a new food is exciting to me ( as I am food obsessed hmmmmm this may be a emotional filler here as to why I gained weight should I call DR PHIL?)
I enjoy taking my time, but red flag here, being cautious to fellow grocery shoppers.
I do not block lanes or iles.
I don't not curse if someone bumps into me, I do not butt in fornt of someone while they are carefully looking at food labels or prices. I take what parking spots are available.
I Do not circle the parking lot looking for a close spot right next to the doors. Nor do I pretend to be pregnant or handicapped.
I sure as hell don't give people dirty looks when there child throws a tantrum, or cuts me off. I don't complain about the line .. these people have a big job to do believe it or not.. it is tiring ringing in groceries.
I am usually very very tolerant of people. Especially at the grocery store because i know what to expect.
As soon as SOME people enter those doors, they throw out any inhibition and it becomes a scene from Micheal Jackson's thriller.
Yesterday I went and parking in an ordinary space when I started walking to the front doors when apparently this man thought he was at LOWE'S speedway and zoomed pass cars, children and adults. he plopped himself in a Handicapped parking space pulled out the old blue sign that hangs on your mirror jumps out of the car and runs through the doors.
( mmmmmmm are you really handicapped)
He makes it to the post office 2 seconds before I do. Well worth it right as i was walking.
I squint my eyes at him hopping someone was watching that. I thought maybe he would feel my disapproval at the back of his neck. All he did was hock some spit, and pull up his faded jeans.
I was also feeling proud of my cart full of healthy choices and was heading to the front of The store when a couple was blocking the space between carts .. i patiently waited and waited for them to move and when the did the looked at me as if I just showed up and was now blocking them.. they were just talking in the middle of the front of the bloody store.. with no cart.
So I HAD TO MOVE because apparently it makes more sense for the person who just waited 10 minutes off to the side to move for 2 people with nothing in their hands. ( ASSHOLES) People do this all the time. specially if I have my children the look at me as if my children are in their way.. when they are solo and it is much easier for them to stand ring side then me, little G and a cart full of groceries and a new born.
Well I could go on but rudeness will start to creep in.( tee hee)
I did manage to flee from the little corner or HEll and make it to my car unharmed. I keept my eyes down cast in case one of these grocery store zoombies came after my perfectly working cart and try to steal it or eat my brains.. because it was on sale.
I just want to end this post with a please please.. make me a grocery store.. just for me.. where all the sackville idiots stay out ....
Jesus I love being perfect!

Hello world

Well I hope everyone's new years was great.
Mine was low key.
Colin and I stayed home and put the kids to bed and had a few glasses of wine then went to bed after we watched our movies.
WE had a nice cuddle and an actual conversation. Life is so busy we haven't really done that.
I enjoyed my holidays dearly. they felt very together and very full of love and family.

Nothing to exciting here.
I have been using a program called turbo jam for about a month now, to try and loose some weight. To try and be successful.
Lets see.
Well Will post when I have something interesting to write.
Right now I am off to relax.
Imagine that!!!!
ta ta