Veiwer Descretion advised

So I don't normally discuss poop on this blog.. but this is definitely blog worthy.
this Morn ( Christmas eve) at about 4:40am I was up with W feeding and cuddling and yawing away.
When he decided to have a poop.
His poops people are like smelly, green ice creams. You know at dairy queen where it comes out in a long gooey strip. that is how he poops.. long gooey green egg smelling strips.
I have this changing procedure down to a science where he doesn't get any on his legs or heels, where he makes minimal mess and is a smelly yet fairly unpainful experience( for me)
This morn as I was reaching for a wipe, I was holding up his legs so he wouldn't put his feet in the poop.. when from his bowels erupted a fart that startled the cats as well as me.. what followed no MOTHER should ever endure.. I mean isn't labour bad enough.
The fart was not just a fart( Tanya do you remember that saying "that wasn't a fart") well it wasn't next thing I knew I was splattered with green goo .. all over my shirt all over my NEW glasses, my face people my face.
Well there went any preciseness I had for my boy I let his legs drop and he was also covered. I grabbed a clean wipe threw off my glasses and did the best I could to clean my face. Then Looked down... it was on my pants and the floor too. It was as If someone opened a champagne bottle and shook it.. the spray going everywhere.
I couldn't believe it /. I just made a sad pitiful noise I have never heard myself make noise.. and cleaned him up.
I had to finish feeding him and put him back to bed... full of SHIT
Green egg smelling shit.
As soon as I was done I made way for the shower and cleaned up.. falling into bed still traumatized.
My husband and the cats are still laughing at me.
Merry Christmas everyone!